i realized that no matter how much you try to behave in the likeness of someone who doesn't appreciate you at all, it all boils down to nothing but emptiness. years of hard work led me to nothing but a new start with someone else makes me feel that i had given up, which is a first in most things i do in things that i really, really feel for. 

but again. this feels good. i haven't felt like this for the longest time. 

on a lighter note, i watched the piano recital by chen jie at the infamous esplanade concert hall today with nicholas and his friend. no doubt, she played really well, but i think there's a little misinterpretation in some of her movements. but again, its probably me, for i am no professional pianist. i think, for me to play at her standard, i'll probably take another 5 years of hard work and practices. you know, she's only a year older than me, and she's playing in front of so many people? it kinda makes me feel ashamed of myself actually. if i could stop wow and start practicing czerny, i would be able to do things that i never thought i could do. 

keyword: if. 

what i'm most amazed is how she played the chinese pieces. i'm not a fan of chinese pieces being played on the piano, i never really liked compositions like these. but i actually enjoyed a piece. its originally played on a suona, and she actually brought out the characteristics of a suona on the piano. nicholas' friend is probably right where she played it a little westernized, but to me it was alright. i just didn't like the way she played haydn's pieces in a modernized style thats all. 

the last chopin's ballad that she played was my favouritest piece amongst all. the way she ran on the piano, bringing the whole ballad to live was awesome. i couldn't help but  smile whenever i recall what she play, and i felt like a total idiot for smiling to myself on the streets. luckily i was on the phone most of the time. 

okay! : D i'm going to sleep. gonna wake up for breakfast tomorrow and some piano masterclass at nafa tomorrow. haydn's sonata, liszt hungarian rhapsody, rachmaninoff's prelude and beethoven's piano concerto.

and oh! it has been long since i've blogged. welcome back, yinkwan. 

x